I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
