White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dear god my vagina.
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