That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
