What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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