Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize