im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
