I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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