I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
