i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
