I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
