Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
