3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
