Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
