i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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