I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
