well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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