If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
