I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
