so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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