I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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