We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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