He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
