3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
