Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
