maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
