Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
