Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
