What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
smell my finger.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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