mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
