Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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