Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
