no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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