Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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