90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
