my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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