I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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