I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize