your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's Friday. Sex?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
