He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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