he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
