i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
