I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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