The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
