You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
why do cheetos always look like penises
how do flat chested girls get laid?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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