My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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