Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if only i could text you this smell
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
