My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize