Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Michael Bay diarrhea
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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