Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
