He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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