dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You have to summon your inner elephant
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
