I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
