she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hippo gnu deer
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
