Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you had me at cake vodka
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize