ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
