My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
