chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
