was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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