I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
