I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
