Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
