you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
