"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
