NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
