i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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