Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am midnight drunk by noon
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
