Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
