I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize