the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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