Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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