Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
porn star boner night. come get it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
