shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
