if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
