I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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